|
under_control
|
» d-i-v-o-r-c-e Last night I drank and it was good. I drank with Iris and Sabrina. It would not have been good to drink alone. Just before leaving to drink I unthinkingly consumed nearly a quart of chocolate soy milk. When the shot of tequila hit 15 minutes later I could think of nothing but tequila and soy milk...and I had to get up and walk around a bit to keep it all down. The margarita was a better choice, and after dinner, the Irish whiskey put the clincher on it. I was happy, I was relaxed. My aches and pains were gone. My tension and anxiety was gone. There was a smile on my face and a swagger in my walk and it was good. I'm not saying that drink is a cure for depression. (I haven't been out for drinks since December. ) I am saying that if you have some good friends and you all agree that it's time to blow off some steam and forget the worries of the world, nothing beats a little nip. Today I took a personal day off work to finalize my divorce. I showed up at the Courthouse in Oakland only to be told that I'd brought the wrong form. Crestfallen, thinking of the call I'd have to make to G, I made my way across the Bay to the office. I tried calling and got a machine. It was His voice on the message. I couldn't leave one of my own. I called him a "Fucker" as I put the phone down. Then I felt myself fill with bile as I cursed them both out. Iris looked over the wall of our cube divider. I'm amazed at the amount of anger I still harbor towards her. I've convinced myself that I've gotten on with my life. That she means nothing to me anymore. But if I think about her for just a minute, I find myself crumbling again, wanting to sink to my knees and weep. Later I realized that I did not need her signature to submit this final form. I made all the copies, I addressed the return envelopes and went to buy stamps for them. Then I returned to Oakland and the courthouse. My legs were dragging. All of my energy seemed to have left me. Not enough to eat perhaps, and too much riding around on trains and bicycles. I finally jumped throught the red tape. Proudly dipslaying the requisite triplicate copies and self-addressed stamped envelopes. I was sent down to the hall of records to retrieve the original Summary Dissolution of Marriage form. Then, handing everything to the clerk I was done. Sometime Friday I shall be a single man by law. I think I need to be a single man for a while.
|
|
|
diaryland |