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under_control
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» blow-off I did something pretty awful last night. I blew off some friends who were expecting me to show up at a bar. I didn't answer my phone when I saw that it was them calling. They left three messages and I only listened to the first one. I don't know what came over me. I simply had a strong desire to be alone last night. I wanted to luxuriate in my finally clean apartment, and to start doing the things I'd been putting off until my apartment was clean. But, I can't believe that I didn't call and tell them that I had changed my mind about going out. Maybe it was mostly because I know that "Red" would be very annoyed with me on the phone if I called and cancelled. She'd whine and say that I didn't like her anymore. I just didn't feel like putting up with that. Isn't that what children do? Putting off unpleasantness even if it means more unpleasantness in the future? I know that it will be just as difficult, if not more so, to deal with her face-to-face tomorrow. This is so far out of the realm of my normal (or "old") behavior. I feel bad, but at the same time, I'm glad that I had the evening to myself, to relax. I've got a clean apartment, a phone, a cable modem and I've started to learn Final Cut Pro. All this in the short span of two days! How can I be expected to go out and sit around drinking until 2AM? If I had done that, I'd have been in bed until after noon today, and I hate wasted Sundays.
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diaryland |