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under_control
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» fairy tale endings I'm a bit afraid of one thing in particular. I can remember the exact moment, in great detail, when I asked myself if G was the woman I wanted to woo. I think I debated internally for about 10 seconds. From that point on, she could do no wrong. And from the moment that she returned my love in kind, I thought of nothing else but her. I thought the day we parted would be the day one of us died. 10 years have passed. She has been out my life for two. I've finally accepted that she and I will never be reconciled. This means that I have recently begun socializing with women in what might be called a "dating" capacity. This sounds like a good and healthy thing, which it is. But I'm starting to feel a bit anxious about the prospect of that moment of internal decision that must inevitably come if I find myself involved with someone again. Having a romantic--rather than a classical--disposition means that you imagine there to be an ideal person (or in my case, an ideal _type_ of person) out there. I haven't stumbled across anyone yet who I feel simply clicks with me the way G did. At the same time, I don't want to be on some sort of unhealthy search for G's replacement. My fear, is that I will never trust myself again when I have to make that decision. I'm afraid that I've spent my allowance of devotion on G, and no matter who I meet in the future, I will never be able to forget G entirely. Perhaps a few more months need to pass. It may just be that I haven't met the right person yet. I know, I know. I blame this whole predicament on fairy tales told to us when we are children. "And they lived happily ever after." Does that really happen? The ending of The Princess Bride is much more accurate. (Book, not movie.) Perhaps each story should have an optional epilogue for parents who want to raise Realists rather than Dreamers. I wish I had read more books like Ethan Frome as a young boy. Maybe I just need some nookie.
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