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under_control
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» deprived
Because I still have feelings for her, because I don't know what will ultimately happen to us, because I am a romantic, and regardless of the fact that I know she hasn't, I've remained celebate for the last two years. As you might imagine, this has been trying. Of course there is the libido to cope with. There is the urge. There are the hormones. But there is something else that is even more difficult. There is something that I did not anticipate. Once you've gotten past the libido, there is something more potent there. It is the need to simply touch another person. The need for intimacy. I can cope with the lack of sexual contact, but I crave the sensation of running my fingertip along a lip or eyelid, whispering into an ear, feeling a head on my shoulder, hair on my cheek... Yes, I know I will experience this all again once I am over her and the divorce is final and I can move on with a clear mind. But each night that I lie here in bed alone, I feel that I am being cheated, that each day without it is a day I'll regret later in life.
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